Saturday, February 25th, 2006
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10:20 am - exhausted...
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So I'm feeling better now. Yesterday was gorgeous. Made me happy. The first day of track was fun. I think I'm going to like it this year. Already have a blood blister on my foot, though. Darn! I ran all 6 miles. I was so proud of myself. And cold. I was definitley cold. And lonely. But I enjoyed it. And we were given the assignment of running at least 30 minutes both today and Sunday. But I won't run Sunday. I'm going to try today if I can manage. Not only did I have track yesterday, I also lifted @ school and walked about 3 miles. Then I babysat until 2:00 AM today. That was fun. Going from 8:00 PM until 2:00 or 3:00 AM tonight as well. Jazz Fest, and they go to the after-hours parties. But the twins are sooo cute and it's sooo much fun and they don't mind if I doze off a little on their couch as long as I get up if I'm needed or the twins start to cry. Maybe tonight I'll try to stay up and watch a movie. Last night I just felt sick. Had some dinner and an ice cream sundae (TOTALLY deserved that after the first practice although I'll have to shape up my eating eventually) and just laid down. Very rough fitful night. It's impossible for me to sleep when I know it's only temporary and I'm not at home. Oh well. I'm happy. And that's good. Haven't seen my dad since Thursday morning. I should talk to him when I get home. Fun fun fun. Have a great weekend, guys!
current mood:  cold
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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
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8:57 pm
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i'm kind of a mess. i just broke up with jeff... and i'm not sure if i did the right thing or not...
he says:
"I don't want to break up, but if you feel we need to, we shall. I don't think it's fair to you to try to keep this going. It's just too much stress and trouble for you at this time and I understand that. So yeah, I guess that's that...see you around."
and it's nice that he's being nice i guess...but man i'm so lost inside. can't figure out my emotions. exhausted, too.
you can tell how bad/good my weeks and days are by the state of my face...pretty bad
binged on cookies
dunno if that's a good or a bad thing
feelng "fat" must be a permanent state when you're forced to gain weight
i have to
or my parents won't let me run track
goodnight
shower time
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Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
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9:15 pm
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So yesterday I had weight training and learned how to bench the RIGHT way. Man, it makes it a lot harder! Which is good I guess. I'm going to get so strong this semester. That's my goal, guys. So being sore from that...
Adam and Andrew started to teach me how to unicycle yesterday! The only reason I agreed is because Andrew promised he knew a way I could learn without falling. And it was true. It worked. Adam stood on one side of me and Andrew on the other and I hung onto both of them while I got on the unicycle in between and they walked with me while I went forwards. Goodness, it's so hard! Takes so much effort to balance...hurt my arms! Lol. But I think I'll try again and eventually someday probably get it. Fun times.
I get to babysit tomorrow. Hopefully my bf's not too upset I'm ditching him until 8. Life's always so busy...*sigh* Wish he could just freaking live in town! I STILL don't know what we're wearing to Sadies. Need to figure that out...it's next week and we like NEVER see each other. Oh well. All will work out in the end. It always does...or doesn't...and if that's the case you get over it. So is life.
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Saturday, January 28th, 2006
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9:33 am - the lion king
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So I think I am officially sick for the first time in almost a year. I feel like crap...I have a cold.
I didn't do ANYTHING yesterday. I woke up at 6:30 and waited until my dad left the house to move...had a traumatizing experience the night before. Screw that. Screw all of it. It made me flipping mad. But anyway, then I woke up, ate breakfast, sat around, and went back to sleep. Got up at 11:30, attempted to work out but it just HURT, took a shower, and talked to Jafed for the rest of the day (lunch somewhere in between) until it was time for me to make dinner and then I ate Haagen Daaz and watched Pirates and went to bed before 9:00.
And I was still not ready to get up at 7:30 and go to work this morning. At least there's no homework to do. Unless I really wanted to do my poetry assignment for some strange reason.
But anyway, the point of this entry was actually the dream I had last night. It was really weird. I was dressed in a suit jacket and skirt and I decided that I would go to this nice restaurant before school to get some breakfast. Only I was alone. So I walked in and for some reason no one noticed me. They wouldn't serve me. So I said screw that I don't want breakfast anyway and went to school, which was naturally Calculus only since I didn't have that class anymore I didn't know what to do. Man, it will be weird without math. I mean I've NEVER not had math. But that's beside the point. After Calculus we (meaning the class) went to this fancy golf resort and played this weird game kind of like tag with witches and odd things and bubbly drinks. But the weird part was I somehow managed to hook up with Patrick. Yes, Patrick Bender. It was like part of the game and we were partners and I remember him just assumming that we were together and putting his arm around me and he looked at me and said, "I think we both know what this means, don't we?" And I agreed but pointed out that I had a boyfriend and woke up when we were figuring out what we were going to do about that.
Isn't that weird?
current mood:  sick
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Sunday, January 15th, 2006
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6:35 pm
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Saturday, January 14th, 2006
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9:33 pm - Rejection
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Today I had an incredible urge to babysit. I've been wanting to for so long. I don't know why. I guess I just missed it but it was like I was craving it. And I was thinking and what I really wanted to do more than anything was babysit for Caia Monson who I used to watch all the time, and bake Mark (her father) his favorite kind of chocolate chip cookies and play with the girls. I must be feeling reminiscent.
So I called Holly Monson and told her that if she ever needed a sitter, I was really in the mood. We talked for awhile because Holly is one of my good adult friends but ever since she moved into her new house and out of our ward and I got incredibly busy with school and sports and all and life just happened, we haven't had as much time to get together and just talk. My little sister has been babysitting for her and her three girls recently. Well, actually just two of them. They've never left the baby alone. So she said thanx, she would keep me in mind and call me that time. I mean, I was to the point where I was considering giving my little sister the money I earned babysitting if she would give me her next job.
So I made dinner: tofu. It was WONDERFUL. And during the time I was making it she called and asked if I was up for tonight. I said I'd love to which was probably the truest thing I've said all day. So I made Mark's favorite type of chocolate chip cookie and ate some and some more dough which was actually not the kind of dessert I was craving--if I was making it for myself I would have made magic bars or no-bake cookies because that's what I've wanted recently and they turned out beautifully and she came over at 7 to pick me up.
We played for awhile and had a fantastic time joking. Then it was time to go to bed. Holly had asked me to please get them to bed because she has to get them ready for church tomorrow morning all by herself (Mark has meetings beginning at 6:30 AM) and didn't want it to be an unpleasant experience due to them being tired. They wanted to watch Star Wars. I had to say no... And they got so upset with me.
Payton said she didn't like me.
It was just so blatantly painful coming from a 3-year-old. To be told you're not liked. And I knew that it was only because she didn't want to go to bed, but it still hurt my feelings. Pathetic, I know...but man it must suck to be a parent and hear that coming from your child for the first time. They called me a "naughty teenager."
I guess my sister's better than I am. So much for that. She paid me at the end and it almost made me feel bad...like maybe she thought I was asking for a babysitting job because I wanted the money when really I could care less. I mean, six bucks does absolutley nothing for me. I could care less. I have money. I worked today, I work every Saturday and tutor every Tuesday and Thursday and get paid, and everything I have is just stuck in the bank for college next year. Buying things for myself only makes me feel guilty.
My little sister told me she hated me today too. And I'm worried Michael doesn't consider me his freind anymore. He doesn't talk to me anymore. He hasn't been home the last few times I've called.
Although to balance the bad out, I do have a Mexican exchange student. Not that I've seen much of him, but that's good because it means he's having fun.
Jeff is fun too. We were hanging out last night and he was being quite clingy. Which is quite all right with me. But I commented on it and said, "Wow, you must like me tonight." And he looked at me and said completely sincerely "I always like you; I'm just not always this clingy." Made me feel quite wonderful. It does make me sad that it can't last...that we've known from the beginning that this relationship is just for fun and will have to end at the end of the year. He got accepted to UW and is going to live in Seattle. I'll be in Utah. I'm Mormon. He's not. I won't let him say "I love you." It's not worth it. *sigh* It does make me sad. I do like him.
Does anyone want a jack-in-the box antennae ball? I have an entire paper grocery bag full of them. We ding-dong-ditched them last night. 'Twas fun:)
Wow, this entry was way too personal for LJ. Oh well. Everyone else spills their soul; why shouldn't I?
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Honky Tonk Badonkadonk
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Friday, December 30th, 2005
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10:31 am - little kid riddles
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This will be your morning's laffy taffy.
When are the roads angry? When they are cross roads!
What weighs almost nothing yet you can't hold it? My breath!
What two words have the most letters? Post Office
How can you be sure not to hit your fingers when you hammer a nail? Hold the hammer with both hands!
What travels for miles, yet never moves? A road!
What is taken from you before you get it? My picture!
Why is the letter "A" like a flower? A bee comes after it!
Yeah...I'm a loser.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, December 29th, 2005
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4:45 pm - i worked today
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Friday, December 23rd, 2005
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4:41 pm - good times
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Redneck--
[ ] Do you have a couch in your front yard or porch?
[ ] Do you drive a four-wheeler?
[ ] Do you ride four-wheelers?
[ ] do you like to get dirty?
[X] Do you like country music?
[ ] Do you have a broken car in your back yard?
[ ] Do you own a cowboy hat?
[ ] Do you live on more then 2 acres?
[ ] Do you have more then 4 different animals at your home?
Total X: 1
Goth--
[ ] Do you wear black eyeliner?
[ ] Is most of your clothing dark?
[X] Do you think about death often?
[ ] Do you want to die?
[ ] Are you a social outcast?
[X] Are you pale? (kinda)
[X] Do you like Hot Topic? (I think it's the weirdest/funniest store on earth but would never like...SHOP there)
[x] Do you enjoy Tim burton movies?
[x] Are you mean? sometimes
Total X: 5
--Punk--
[ Can you skateboard
[ ]Do you wear Vans?
[X] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?
[ ] Have you gotten in trouble with the Cops?
[ ] Do you watch the x-games?
[x] Do you have any piercings?
[ Do you like/wear mohawks?
[ ]Do you wear Band t-shirts
[X] Have you called someone a poser recently?
Total X: 3
-Prep--
[x] Do you say the word "like"?
[X] Do you shop at Hollister/Abercrombie&Fitch/Aero?
[ ] Do you pop the collar?
[ ] Do the people in Hot topic scare you?
[ ] Is the only nerd u like Seth Cohen?
[ ] Do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?
[X] Do you like pop music?
[ ] Do you want/have a little dog?
Total X: 3
Hippie--
[ ] Is your hair long-ish?
[ ] Do you own a tye-dye shirt?
[x] Do You want to save the animals?
[x] Do you think war is unneccesary? (not all wars...)
[x] Do you like classic rock and trippy music?
[ ] Have you ever participated in a protest?
[ ] Have you ever been overcome with a desire to hug a tree?
Total X: 3
-Gangsta--
[ ] Do you act ghetto?
[ ] Do you wear do-rags?
[X] Do you like hip-hop?
[ ] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?
[ ]Do you believe he's alive?
[ ] you like afros?
[ ]Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?
[X] Do you like to dance?
[ ] Do you own any Baby Phat or G-Unit?
Total X: 2
-Emo-
[ ]Do you cry often?
[x] Do you wear hoodies?
[X] Do people not understand you? )some people...no one understands everyone)
[ ]Do you write your own poems?
[x]Ever dyed your hair red, black or dark? ooh Erin that was fun
[ ]Do you cut your hair?
[ ] Are you lonely?
[ ]Is "Ohio for lovers" by Hawthorne Heights, a good song?
Total X: 3
Surfer--
[ ] Do you surf?
[ ] Do you wear flip flops year-round?
[ ] Is your hair shaggy?
[ ] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?
[x] Do you own any pairs of shorts?
[ ] Are you tan? (I wish...)
[x] Do you want to be at the beach right now? (only if it's hot...)
[ ] Do you hate tourists?
Total X: 2
Geek-
[x] Do you wear glasses?
[x] Do you get good grades?
[ ] Do you use an inhaler?
[ ] Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets?
[ ] Does your mom pick out your clothes?
[x] Are you on the computer often? is sometimes often?
[ ] Do you ever get picked on?
[ ] Do you look forward to goin to school?
[ ] Are you shy around the opposite sex?
[ ] Do you play video games?
TOTAL X: 2
Well, guys, looks like I'm goth. Never would have expected that one:)
current mood:  hungry
current music: bohemian like you-the dandy warholes (GOOD SONG!!!)
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Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
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8:49 pm
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Sunday, December 4th, 2005
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8:03 pm - Xan's Christmas Wish List
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-an iPod
-free weights (at least 10 lbs)
-a fish bowl/fish with a water plant growing out of the fish bowl
-fish food
-one of those really cool teamaker thingies that boil the water in like a minute
-a really cute apron NOT christmas patterned
-amazing socks
-something random but incredibly cool
-another version of DDR for playstation 2
-Audioslave's new song "doesn't remind me"
-incredibly cool pens
-the ability to understand Calculus
-cookbooks/cooking supplies
-eternal salvation/eternal happiness
-everyone to do exactly what I want them to
-an incredibly romantic and well-planned out date
-to somehow figure out how to get better at kissing
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8:00 pm - Productivity
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I just completed the rough draft of my 2005 Government Take-Home Final. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. And Sarah Dickerson, if you're reading this, we should sit down and have girl talk sometime. You should come over, and we should bake cookies because I have to sometime this week (only you don't have to if you don't want to due to the fact that you work in the Safeway bakery) and we'll have female bonding time. And maybe even do some HW in between. Lemme know.
current mood:  good
current music: ummm...Christmas music...duh;)
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Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
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4:04 pm - SNOW DAY
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I woke up and listened to my book on CD and then went running with Michael. Then we decided to go sledding. And it was SOO much fun. The snow was fantastic. We went out to Phillips farm and Michael and Kyle and I were there and then we went over to the hill that we used to run up in Cross Country and had a blast. And have you ever tried using a porta-potty in the middle of winter? That was an adventure in itself. But anyways, then we decided to make a snow fort. So we rolled these HUUUUUGE snowballs and it took like half an hour and now my arms are actually sore from it which is ridiculous. Oh well, compensates for the fact that the weight room is probably closed today, doesn't it? But even these fantastically ginormous snowballs weren't large enough to make a very impressive snow fort. So we turned them into a snowman instead. Only they were all the same size and huge so it was really difficult to lift them and then the snowman's head wasn't really any smaller than well..its butt. So of course I decided that it needed breasts. And it became a snowwoman. But it didn't stop there. We gave it a butt, and arms and hair and a smiley face and ummm...well then some other things too that it probably shouldn't have had. That's all right, though. By then it had been about 2 hours and we decided to go home. And that's where the hard part began. Because I can't drive in the snow. So Kyle told me he'd help me get out...and we kinda accidentally ended up going off the road. And then when I tried to fix it...let's just say it didn't help. So I was terrified and called my dad and he made me call my mom and it was ridiculously dreadful waiting for them to come out and help us. Took like an hour too. But they did and got it out and we got home. We were sooo stuck, though. The van was like tilted sideways. Yeah, my minivan is NOT a snow vehicle. It doesn't even have snow tires and of course we were too stupid to put the chains on and yeah..my dad had to get it all the way out of the parking lot for phillips farm because it was impossible to get it onto the road without us pushing. So I ran and switched spots with him in the middle of the road. Wow. Go bears. Kyle is the BEST by the way. He's one of the coolest friends ever. I just wasted about 2 hours of his life and he was so nice about it. I totally owe him cookies. Him and Mr. Blount.
current mood:  fantastic
current music: CHRISTMAS MUSIC
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Thursday, November 24th, 2005
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7:07 pm - Come on guys, everyone is doing it
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 | You scored as Hermione Granger. You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out.
Hermione Granger | | 95% | Albus Dumbledore | | 90% | Remus Lupin | | 80% | Severus Snape | | 75% | Ron Weasley | | 65% | Harry Potter | | 65% | Ginny Weasley | | 60% | Draco Malfoy | | 55% | Lord Voldemort | | 50% | Sirius Black | | 50% | </td>
Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
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6:54 pm - Happy Thanksgiving
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Hello guys. How are you? Guess what? I hate the holidays. Oh well. I'm trying to work on my homework right now. Not a very long attention span. And I'm mad that I have to eat dinner with my family again tomorrow night. Ugggh...we're going over to the Kampenhauts house which is find because I like Luke but no offense or anything Friday is date night and the only day I had any hope of doing anything with my boyfriend.
I saw Harry Potter. Quite interesting. Just okay. But at least I know what's going on now while everyone talks about it. They're getting darker and more violent. I wonder if it'll ever be rated R;)
Well, time to go back to being messed with by my dad. He's being a jerk. As I said, I hate holidays. And winter. Most certainly hate that too. Oh...and dinners.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: just the sound of the Carlsons talking
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6:38 pm - Yes, this is for government
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I am attempting to conduct a poll. We'll see whether this works or not.
What do you think four (or at least one) responsibilities of a good citizen are?
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
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8:21 pm - there is fiction in the space between our lives and our stories
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Nancy Cheney won mayor. That kind of sucks. Hopefully she doesn't fire my dad. I don't think she will. Oh well, even if she does and my family has to move I still get to stay here. I already talked to my dad and he says I can finish out my senior year in high school. They'd probably just go to Boise anyway.
I get to hang out with Raechel Park tomorrow. I'm excited. I love that girl.
Calculus is hard.
current mood:  tired
current music: tracy chapman
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, November 6th, 2005
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2:24 pm
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Jacklyn Nicole Pennington has cancer
current mood:  sad
current music: post-hard core in my head believe it or not
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, November 5th, 2005
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9:12 am - Hello World
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Hi guys. Just wanted to prove that I'm still alive. Once again I'm at work. It's quite exciting. Not really. No one's even called. But it's a wonderful time to enjoy the blessings of a fast internet system and to e-mail people. Not that I can check my moscow acount because I'm using 135% of my 20MB storage and cannot recieve any new messages until I delete some yet my comptuer at home will still download them to Outlook. Man, I should just screw that account and start writing people from my Gmail. Gmail is so superior to any e-mail program I've ever seen before in my life. Just thought I'd let you know.
While I very much wish I was up at Hannah's house hanging out with Erin, Kyle? (did he go or not...guess I'll find out tonight when I see his parents and maybe/maybe not him), Chelsie and Ian...oh and HANNAH! However, this weekend has been very productive and I guess that's good. Thursday night I hung out with Michael and Josh for awhile. After going running w/ Michael in the rain which was very exciting and wet. Actually, I've gone running every day this week. Aren't you proud of me? I went 8 miles yesterday. Past Julia's house. I was only planning on going 2-3 miles but it just felt GOOD. I dunno...just kept going. Thinking, not hurting myself at all but just taking it nice and slow, kind of feeling out of it. I loved it. I've been sad recently. Actually, the only time I'm really extremely happy is when I'm running I've relalized. I think it's just post-XC depression. Oh well. I'll get over it.
Anyways, I had an Orthodontist appointment yesterday. I get my braces off December 6th. SCORE!!! I wonder when DEBS is. Does anyone know? Cuz it would be so cool to go to a dance without metal on my teeth. I've never done that before. I made cookies last night. They were delicious. Ruined my excercise and eating healthily since halloween kick, though. There are two baskets fll of every kind of candy imaginable sitting right next to me and I am NOT going to eat any of it. And I'm not even kidding. Gail Byers went CRTAZY for Halloween. Crunch, hersheys bars, butterfinger, reeses, 100 grand, kit kat, snickers, cheap assorted halloween candy, baby ruth...am I making you hungry yet? K, I'll stop.
I did get a lot done this weekend, though. Cleaned my room and it's a gorgeous feeling to be in it. And now I'm getting paid to check my e-mails. Sweet. My boss just called. Lovely. I like her. Well I honestly have nothing to say, so I'll stop talking. Have a great weekend guys.
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Thursday, October 20th, 2005
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7:12 pm - WARNING: Contains information about the uterus. Please do not read if disturbed by periods.
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I think my uterus hates me... I haven't had my period naturally in over 2 years. Literally. Last time was before Cross Country season Sophomore year. And guess when it starts? TODAY. The day before Districs. Let me define districts. DISTRICTS: the most important race in my life at this point in time. Honestly, this is my last chance to go to State. EVER. And an athlete who can't make it to state has no chance of running XC in college. EVER. And if I can only make it to State, I guarantee I will get in the top 3rd. Top 20 actually would be my goal, which is realistic. I got 33rd last year and I'm literally over a minute faster this year. And yet I'm happy. Because the fact that I have my period means that I am no longer broken. However, I just feel sad and tired and want to be comforted right now. My cramps are terrible. Full body. Like my insides are going to burst and a terrible pain in my upper back right below and in between my shoulders. So I'm going to take a hot bath, do Yoga, go to bed, and have a great race tomorrow. Run myself to death. And not think of anything else. And love it. And love the pain. And be fantastic. And love life...and do you ever just want to say "I love you." when there is no one in particular you want to say it to and really it just means "I'm tired and I want a hug." ??? GOodnight people.
current mood: tired
current music: Give Me Novacaine-Green Day
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